At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just gargled with NyQuil
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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