you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
