I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
