first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
