I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
