Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
