i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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