It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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