why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
