Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
