Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize