It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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