Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
