I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
