I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
