Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
