Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
