yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
