I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have aggressive nipples.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
