Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
