Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
