so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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