i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
