This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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