wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
