I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
