my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I love having hate sex.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
