Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
bring money and cleavage
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
