I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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