so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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