My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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