I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I need to stop coming to work sober
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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