doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
