I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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