I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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