why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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