OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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