Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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