she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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