dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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