Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
