just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
