Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He? As in you personified your dick?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
