I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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