i think my mom watched the whole time
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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