she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
