she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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