The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
