she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
