I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
