you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
