i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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