thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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