capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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