i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize