another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
