smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
