Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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