and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this just has baby written all over it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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