I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
