i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
