Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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