My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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